Drew and I were very
excited about our new arrival, Baby Cate. She was due to arrive mid-September.
We did a lot of prep work to make sure we were both ready to go. We read books,
went to "baby school", sought advice from friends and family,
baby-proofed the house a month before she was here. In fact, I
baby-proofed the house so much that I actually
"Drew-proofed" some areas. That didn't go over well. But as much as
we prepped and planned, as everyone knows, sometimes our path leads us a
different way. This is why we always have contingencies in place. Hence was the
case with Cate's early arrival!
Labor was fourteen hours
of no fun. I went into labor at 5:20pm on Tuesday. While on the phone with my
mom, watching NBC Nightly News with
Brian Williams, my mom asked "so have you had any contractions
today?" I replied "no, not today - no... wait...." That's when
the fun began!
We waited until
contractions were about seven minutes apart, which was when Drew called
the doctor's exchange, at approximately 10:00pm. The doctor-on-call said to go
and get admitted. "We'll take her."
So we went.
I was VERY
ready. Contractions that are seven minutes apart aren't fun.
No, seriously. I'm not lying, they're not fun, especially while riding in a car
and hitting pot holes.
We arrived at the
hospital, made it to the delivery room, and started to get
"comfortable" as quickly as possible. Between the time we entered the
delivery room to when they applied the contraction monitor belt, I had three
big contractions. So those three contractions didn't even "register"
with the hospital staff.
At this point, I was 4
cm dilated.
NOTE: Make sure your
contractions measure with the hospital staff.
I had one contraction
that registered on the belt and then they slowed down. In the interim, the
nurses called the doctor-on-call who preceded to tell them to "send her
back home". At that moment I went through multiple emotions including
anger, confusion, frustration, and "um, what?".
As the midwife took the
contraction monitor belt off and started to help me get dressed, (NOTE: I
couldn't dress myself at this point), I had another contraction. They could
definitely sense my negativity. The midwife and one of the nurses both looked
at me and simultaneously said "see you in the morning." I think
I may have given them the finger as we were rolling out the door. I don't think
they saw me. That was at midnight.
By the time we were in
the parking garage, the contractions started again in full force. While on
the way home, the contractions were so strong that Drew had to pull over. We
even considered turning around to go back to the hospital. I think I almost
fell out of the car while we were pulling over because I wanted to get out of
it so bad.
As soon as we were home,
Drew went to bed. I just kept track of contractions since there was no way I
would be sleeping that night. I thought it was humorous that the
hospital sent me home with an Ambien, as if that was going to do anything.
Contractions continued until 6:30am when I couldn't take the pain anymore. I
called Drew (he was sleeping in his basement man cave) and told him we had to
go. When we arrived at the hospital, they checked me in really quick. By
9:00am, 6 cm dilated, I had my epidural. Pure magic. Absolutely amazing.
Then they realized that
we weren't progressing anymore. Contingency plan! C-section it was!
Looking back, after all
the planning and prep work, one of the biggest learning opportunities would
have been to hear more from women about pregnancy and post-pregnancy truths. I
would have also asked more questions about what post-delivery is like, not just
from an emotional stand point, but from a healing and pain management stand
point. That's the stuff that women don't like sharing - as if pregnancy is all
flowers, butterflies, song and dance. I'm still not sure why most women are
hesitant to share the ugly truths of pregnancy. I'm not talking about dramatic,
exaggerated horror stories about bringing life into this beautiful world. I'm
talking about sharing the ugly and unfortunate truths and components on your
body falling apart and/or healing. These key components are not going to hurt
the baby's feelings if you talk about them. I promise. Women can benefit from
this shared knowledge, AND I would have still had a baby. In fact, I'll have
another one hopefully.
I was not ready for the
dramatic changes, along with the changes that I wanted to have happen quickly,
like losing the 45 pounds it took me nine months to gain. If anything, besides
learning how to be a great mom, balancing mommy-hood and wifely duties, loosing
weight and healing from a c-section, my biggest adjustment is figuring out
how to be alone with myself during the day for eleven weeks of maternity leave.
I am incredibly lucky to
have eleven weeks with Cate. This is a very special time to bond with her,
learn how to be a mom, etc. But let me tell you - you can only bond so much
with someone who sleeps 14 hours per day and doesn't talk back to you. I'm not
saying I need hours upon hours of intellectual conversation. It's just nice to
talk to people - being a people person and all. Maybe some people think that's
wrong or "anti-mommy", but when you have a type-A, workaholic,
go-getter personality and have been in the workforce since you were 15 years
old, drastically changing to the "stay-at-home" mom lifestyle is like
cutting off the cast of Jersey Shore from their tanning beds. It may leave
Snookie wondering," is there even a f*c&ing spray-tan option?"
Being cut-off is incredibly difficult. I'm seriously having work withdrawals.
And with this much down
time, my mind begins to wander. Questions come up such as "what do I want
to be when I grow up", "should I run for local office",
"maybe I should join a club", "oh, crap, I need to prep that
presentation for the first week of December in Chicago", "I need to
scan every family photo - BUT, ugh, I don't want to do that", "should
I open a marketing agency", "should I join Walt and learn the
family insurance business", "what do I stand for", "am I
far enough along in my career compared to others my age", "am I doing
enough to get to the top, whatever "the top" is",
"should I become an expert at something"? It just keeps going
on and on. So frustrating. My mind will not turn off.
Five and a half weeks
after delivering Cate, I now understand this journey's importance -
besides having a baby. One, I will continue to prepare for all events in life
so I can continue to avoid piss poor performances. This is one of my
strengths.
Two, women need to share
more ugly truths. Spill it ladies. Don't be shy. I don't like shy ladies.
We need to stand up and share our stories with each other about bringing life
into this world.
Three, I need to get
some hobbies and not be addicted to work. Work addiction sucks. Enjoying life
is a great thing, and we only have one shot.
And four, in order to
successfully raise a child, I need to get to know myself. I feel like
the scene in "Runaway Bride", with Julia Roberts, where she
doesn't know what types of eggs she likes. Basically, Julia Roberts has just
always eaten whatever eggs her boyfriend at the time has eaten. Scrambled?
Poached? Over-easy? With or without hot sauce? She never takes the time to know
and understand what she likes or wants out of life. Not cool.
In order to become a
stronger person, I must continue to be a contingency planner. I must also
become better at listening, sharing, having hobbies and enjoying life, and
knowing myself (being alone). Here's to future self-awareness! Where's the
vodka and poached eggs?
